The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn’t indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn’t detect.” ~ Mark Twain
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| — | ~ from article What do you see when you look at a stranger? |
~ equalizing self and others, developing equal affection for everyone by recognizing that we are the same in all the ways that matter.
When we are attached to someone, we need him to make us happy; but when he is in pain or difficulty he does not function properly to provide us with the happiness we want from him. This is why we get angry when he is harmed. Pure love unmixed with attachment, however, does not lead to anger. When someone we love, but for whom we have no attachment, is harmed, a powerful desire to protect and help arises in our hears; but we feel no anger towards his aggressor. We take whatever practical steps we can to defend our friend, but we have no desire at all to make the aggressor suffer. What we need to do, therefore is give up our attachment for our loved ones, but never give up our love.
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| — | Geshe Kelsang Gyatso ~ How to Solve Our Human Problems (via dharma-thoughts) |
If this is true (that it is self-cherishing that causes our pain, not simply thinking about suffering), it has far-reaching consequences because it really does mean that all we need to do is change our views and intentions by removing self-cherishing from our minds and cherishing others instead (also known as exchanging self with others). According to Kadam Lamrim, this is the actual way to become a Buddha, and it is devastatingly simple – anyone can do it through the force of determination and meditation. It may take a while at first to get going with it, like anything, and we’ll have to review the reasons a lot more than once; but with familiarity it becomes easy. If we believe this, we will gradually lose all resistance to contemplating others’ suffering and generate compassion, enabling us to attain the bliss of enlightenment.
This dog and fish “meet and kiss each day”!
http://blogs.elpais.com/vientos-de-brasil/2012/02/las-inexplicables-amistades-entre-animales-.html
If we are skillful, friends can be like treasure chests, from whom we can gain the precious wealth of love, compassion, patience, and so forth. For our friends to function in this way, however, our love for them must be free from attachment. If our love for our friends is mixed with strong attachment, it will be conditional on their behaving in ways that please us, and as soon as they do something we disapprove of, our fondness for them may turn to anger.
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| — | ~ Transform Your Life, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso |
As time goes on in our search for the ideal partner, we are often willing to settle for less. This is because when we are young, half an hour in front of the mirror can make us look like a million dollars, but as we get older we need that half an hour just to make ourselves look vaguely presentable. In an article about baby boomers not too long ago, the implication was that we are not allowed to get old or stop searching for the ideal partner. No, we are simply “seasoned”, like a well cooked leg of lamb or a rusty frying pan. Apparently there are umpteen books explaining how you can attract someone even into your sixties, seventies, eighties… It isn’t all on the outside, but it does help if you take care of your appearance and, if you can afford the nips and tucks, go ahead! It doesn’t ever stop! You’re not even allowed to relax when you’re seventy, much less when you’re under forty. According to this article, you’re not encouraged to recall that you’ve already had a partner (or five) and don’t want to go through all of that again.
What might Buddha say about this? Not that people should never partner up, or should be scared away from love. Perhaps that seeking happiness so desperately from outside in any form is a fool’s game as it is incapable of giving us real or lasting happiness. Especially if the other person is as neurotic as we are! How are they going to give us security when they can’t even find it themselves?
